A child’s adoption story is a sensitive topic and adoptive parents are in the best position to judge when it would be more appropriate to put the book on one side for a while. It is often necessary to refocus on the present and establishing a sense of permanency before it can be helpful for a child to revisit their past experiences and cope with their difficult emotions.
Creating a children’s book to tell an adopted child their adoption story is a great way of helping them understand where they came from and what their heritage is all about. This can also help them feel confident and comfortable about their adoption.
Adoptees need to be able to understand that their birth mother made an adoption plan as a loving choice for the child’s well-being. If a child does not hear this from their adoptive family it can create a sense of shame around being adopted or a belief that they are a ‘bad’ or ‘unwanted’ child.
It is normal for adopted children to question why their birth mother placed them up for adoption. Angry behaviour, self-image problems and difficulties in attuning to relationships are common responses. Providing adopted children with a coherent narrative and recognising their resilience helps them to process trauma, build a positive identity and strengthen their attachment to their adoptive family.
It is important to recognise that there are many people outside of the adoption triad who may be interested in learning about a child’s biological history and why they were placed for adoption. Adoptees need to be reassured that their personal details will not be shared with anyone else and this should be communicated to any potential interested parties.